Tuesday, October 28, 2008

*-.~invisible, of course~.-*

sometimes it happens. its just one of those days of stumbling through some random thoughts. they just come storming down on you, tackling those happy nerves. its almost as if your brain were a seasonal destination for them, telling you "checking in...for now." and there that goes, my happy nerves are no longer wanting to stay, perhaps too much clutter. so there i am, one second i'm content and the next second, i'm a mess. auugh, it's just that darn "why" word that can't seem to leave me alone even after shooing it away. If only i can get rid of that isolated in-between-the-confusion-of-whether-it's-a-complete-sentence-or-fragment-kind-of-word. "WHY?" I don't know why. Really. I will never know why. i can't say what it is because I can't answer what it asks. sometimes it happens.

"...the invisible world is full of plexiglass walls, sugar-coated people with monstrous flaws.

to be middle of the desert, when all hopes fall, i once rekindle my memory of it all."

Friday, October 17, 2008

♣zömbie♣

I've been a zombie for quite some time.

Friday, October 10, 2008

♥...mother...♥


Everything Mom


How did you find the energy Mom
To do all the things you did,
To be a teacher, nurse and counselor to me, when I was a kid.
How did you do it all, Mom,
Be a chaffeur, cook, and friend,
Yet find the time to be a playmate, I just can't comprehend,
I see now it was love, Mom
That made you come, whenever I'd call,
Your inexhaustible love, Mom,
And I thank you for it all.
By Joanna Fuchs

♥...father...♥



Life Lessons

You may have thought I didn't see,Or that I hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me, But I got every word.
Perhaps you thought I missed it all, And that we'd grow apart,
But Dad, I picked up everything, It's written on my heart.
Without you, Dad, I wouldn't be the (woman)(man) I am today;
You built a strong foundation no one can take away.
I've grown up with your values, And I'm very glad I did;
So here's to you, dear father,
from your forever grateful kid.


By Joanna Fuchs

Thursday, October 9, 2008

♥*~..-"M&Ms"-..~* ♥



Nayna warmed up to the camera later. You'll see her infamous smile when scrolling down. That's just how she rolls: the 'mysteriously angered' look to 'ching-ching can't see the eyes' look. My Esther Jo...I can't really remember how I looked when I was younger. I think as a toddler, I was fairly acceptable. Then going on towards 3rd grade and up, I think I needed a make-over. But everytime I look at ej, or even nayna, I wonder if I looked a bit like that growing up. I really can't tell who looks like who.
my M&Ms: Monstarr (nayna) and Monkee (ej): Here are the two mini-characters of the mother, Alayna Raine, who had 10,000 nicknames and finally stuck with "nayna." She's practically my teenager who runs up to the room to be alone and play alone. She's very creative and speaks with her mind only! She plays telekinesis and expects us to know what she wants, where she wants it, and when she wants it! Then there's Esther Jo, whom we call EJ. She used to be super duper friendly, until the teething process began. Her security is HAIR, she needs (and I mean NEEDS!) to feel hair before sleeping. Very important! She bites the hair, pulls the hair, eats hair, and searches for hair on the carpet! What can I say, she's a hair-lover! She has a bad temper with drama all around her! Geez loueez, i know. Well then, there it is. First it was one, now two. Don't ask me about having a boy because that's NOT going to happen anytime soon!

♥ amusement park♥


I've always portrayed my life like an amusement park: exciting, always busy, and a never-ending thrill. The smallest detail of things, from one tiny ant making its way to its domain carrying a speck of cracker, to a tumbleweed rolling down the street in the middle of traffic (just how I pictured it before I came to the states: the setting, Texas [I don't know why]. Hot and blurry atmosphere with gustly winds, dusty, and unexpectedly, whoop!..there goes a tumbleweed! And the grand finale, some kind of wild wild west theme coming on...c'mon, you all know it). Anyway, even the thought of just doing something (but not actually doing something) gets me pretty anxious...until I realized that all I do is ponder without action. I've turned so dull and boring over the years that I've become a 'pretender' in cheering for something totally spectacular. I used to be an exciting person, well, atleast at some point. I mean, I've gone out a few times, just to enjoy freedom after moving out for college (however, i can never convince my parents that i really am not the way they think i am...can never can convince them that I can cook either...but whatever.) I've done spontaneous spunky things, to not-thinking-quite-clearly situations, and maybe made some need-a-slap on the face decisions. Anyway, my point is, even so it seems that I am of no fun and ponder about what I could do or be (which is a list of things...5 to be exact), I've grown and learn to put only what matters in front of me rather than beside me. I live in my reality where I can't afford much, barely have clothes (when it seems I have a million...some would say...you know who you are! :) , jewelry (well, I'm not a fan of jewelry anyway), etc. I think over the years, I've stumbled into the person I've started out to be...simple. I stay home literally 24/7 with my girls, cook, clean (like a maniac, a never-ending fanatic), and do things in a robotic-routinely manner. I still think I can be fabulous, but when I want to be. Overall, eventhough my dreams are kept on hold, and I grow to be a woman of no agenda, my life will always still be an amusement park.