...i jus thought...

I just thought i'd post this because i haven't written a post in...lets just say, its been long! But gerhart (btw, thanks) has found some weird stuffs written by me from years back. I thought it was funny and very weird...but then again, I am. So, without further adew, here it is.

"The opposite of happiness"

Sitting in darkness, the dreadful peace of sorrow

And only to hear the depressing melodies that follow

Endlessly playing, causing much distress

Excessively disheartening, misery of loneliness

Sitting in darkness, feeling nothing only deception

Simply realizing that no person carries such perfection

For every character displays misfortunes & mistakes

And the ability to intentionally cause harsh heartbreaks

Sitting in darkness, I sit confused, merely trying to express

Thoughts encircling my mind, never ending, and somehow meaningless

I seek happiness, but my heart is too full of dismay

To no one I speak of this, for only I, myself, am manage to convey

Sitting in darkness, still, helpless, all emotionally

But my time alone is needed, for aloneness grants me tranquility

I do struggle between my heart and mind, which is two of such contradiction

But someday, somehow, answers I’ll find, regarding my life, and its depiction.

"NEXT to nothing"

I embrace life, but only finding my soul to be empty

I praise the Lord, he who provides faith, no less, but plenty

I take a glimpse of my surroundings, the earth and skies, upon it I gaze

Only to realize what it has become, leaving me confused and dazed

I close my eyes, feeling the harsh wind on my bare skin

I cry for salvation, stumbling beyond life & death, and for all my sins

I pray for strength, to aid and nurture my beloved wounds

But they say only time will tell, and only time can heal…*Sigh* hopefully that’s soon.

"Invitation to happiness" (incomplete)

All these months, I’ve searched high and low

Looking for you, the perfect fellow...

Do not say hate

Do not be cruel

Do not swear so much

jus to new a few

Do not invite evil

Do not invite death

Do not allow killing

Do not put someone to rest

Do not lie at all

Do not steal and cheat

Do not act on violence

Do not feel incomplete

However, do love

And do be kind

be loved, feel loved

despite it being blind

Do say I love you

be sacred thru soul

every now and so often

fill in that lonely hole

smile and be free

care less of all things

invite happiness at all cost

and good change it'll bring.

p.s.

weird...yes...i know.

the randomness of a plain peanut gone astray.

who says that a criminal has to be convicted to be one? what if the world judged too much before realizing to be too judgmental? how can you change one person to be better when you're changing the person who intrigued you in the first place? what makes a difference whether your true colors are hidden or told to your face? why do people feel that when good things fall apart, nothing better lies ahead? if everything happens for a reason, then how is it that we don't have an answer for everything? why are we afraid to take a step forward when it only brings bigger success?

i often drown myself with question after question, but never could finalize a solution to one of them. its ironic of how blank my mind gets when i'm afloat. the mind is suppose to be up and running, a motor of some sort awaiting to use up its cognitive skills. but my mind is faint and becoming less thoughtful. it simply prevents me from opening my mouth to utter a single word. i feel like there's all these chemical imbalances in my brain, just being diluted with supplements of antisocializism. why can't i find that inner balance anymore? or that inner peace, per se.

the more i cry for water, the less successful i've become. i wonder, if i just raise that glass, would i be able to swallow? its harder than i can imagine it, leaving the challenge exhausting. hm.

*-.~invisible, of course~.-*

sometimes it happens. its just one of those days of stumbling through some random thoughts. they just come storming down on you, tackling those happy nerves. its almost as if your brain were a seasonal destination for them, telling you "checking in...for now." and there that goes, my happy nerves are no longer wanting to stay, perhaps too much clutter. so there i am, one second i'm content and the next second, i'm a mess. auugh, it's just that darn "why" word that can't seem to leave me alone even after shooing it away. If only i can get rid of that isolated in-between-the-confusion-of-whether-it's-a-complete-sentence-or-fragment-kind-of-word. "WHY?" I don't know why. Really. I will never know why. i can't say what it is because I can't answer what it asks. sometimes it happens.

"...the invisible world is full of plexiglass walls, sugar-coated people with monstrous flaws.
to be middle of the desert, when all hopes fall, i once rekindle my memory of it all."

♣zömbie♣

I've been a zombie for quite some time.

♥The essence of a picture♥

♥...mother...♥

Everything Mom

How did you find the energy Mom

To do all the things you did,

To be a teacher, nurse and counselor to me, when I was a kid.
How did you do it all, Mom,

Be a chaffeur, cook, and friend,

Yet find the time to be a playmate, I just can't comprehend,

I see now it was love, Mom

That made you come, whenever I'd call,

Your inexhaustible love, Mom,

And I thank you for it all.

By Joanna Fuchs

♥...father...♥

Life Lessons

You may have thought I didn't see,Or that I hadn't heard,

Life lessons that you taught to me, But I got every word.
Perhaps you thought I missed it all, And that we'd grow apart,

But Dad, I picked up everything, It's written on my heart.
Without you, Dad, I wouldn't be the (woman)(man) I am today;

You built a strong foundation no one can take away.
I've grown up with your values, And I'm very glad I did;

So here's to you, dear father,

from your forever grateful kid.

By Joanna Fuchs