♥ amusement park♥

I've always portrayed my life like an amusement park: exciting, always busy, and a never-ending thrill. The smallest detail of things, from one tiny ant making its way to its domain carrying a speck of cracker, to a tumbleweed rolling down the street in the middle of traffic (just how I pictured it before I came to the states: the setting, Texas [I don't know why]. Hot and blurry atmosphere with gustly winds, dusty, and unexpectedly, whoop!..there goes a tumbleweed! And the grand finale, some kind of wild wild west theme coming on...c'mon, you all know it). Anyway, even the thought of just doing something (but not actually doing something) gets me pretty anxious...until I realized that all I do is ponder without action. I've turned so dull and boring over the years that I've become a 'pretender' in cheering for something totally spectacular. I used to be an exciting person, well, atleast at some point. I mean, I've gone out a few times, just to enjoy freedom after moving out for college (however, i can never convince my parents that i really am not the way they think i am...can never can convince them that I can cook either...but whatever.) I've done spontaneous spunky things, to not-thinking-quite-clearly situations, and maybe made some need-a-slap on the face decisions. Anyway, my point is, even so it seems that I am of no fun and ponder about what I could do or be (which is a list of things...5 to be exact), I've grown and learn to put only what matters in front of me rather than beside me. I live in my reality where I can't afford much, barely have clothes (when it seems I have a million...some would say...you know who you are! :) , jewelry (well, I'm not a fan of jewelry anyway), etc. I think over the years, I've stumbled into the person I've started out to be...simple. I stay home literally 24/7 with my girls, cook, clean (like a maniac, a never-ending fanatic), and do things in a robotic-routinely manner. I still think I can be fabulous, but when I want to be. Overall, eventhough my dreams are kept on hold, and I grow to be a woman of no agenda, my life will always still be an amusement park.